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INTRODUCTION This adventure, PORK I, is a parody of ZORK I, THE GREAT UNDERGROUND EMPIRE which was written by 'Diabolical' Dave Lebling and 'Maniacal' Marc Blank and originally published by Infocom in 1981. ZORK I has sold more copies than any other adventure game (and probably more copies than any other program -- period). It is truly a classic! In writing PORK, I have tried to retain some of the cleverness, low cunning, and humor of ZORK -- while poking a little good-natured fun at it. You do not need to have played ZORK to enjoy PORK. However, previous experience with ZORK may give you some clues for solving some of PORK's puzzles -- then again, it may not. END_INTRODUCTION VERBS LIGHT BURN Dummy_Verb1 DESTROY BREAK MAIM DISFIGURE POKE Dummy_Verb2 GO Dummy_Verb3 SEARCH FIND Dummy_Verb4 WAVE Dummy_Verb5 GIVE Dummy_Verb6 SWIM Dummy_Verb7 SWING SLUG HIT SLOG Dummy_Verb8 COVER Dummy_Verb9 SMOKE USE INSERT Dummy_Verb10 FART Dummy_Verb11 SHOW Dummy_Verb12 SCRAMBLE Dummy_Verb13 PEACE HELLO HI LOVE Dummy_Verb14 DEBUG Dummy_Verb15 NO Dummy_Verb16 YES Dummy_Verb17 ULYSSES ODYSSEY FISH ODYSSEUS Dummy_Verb18 RUB Dummy_Verb19 WASH Dummy_Verb20 PET PAT HUG LOVE BEFRIEND Dummy_Verb21 KISS Dummy_Verb22 SAY Dummy_Verb23 SHAKE RATTLE Dummy_Verb24 FIX Dummy_Verb25 CLIMB Dummy_Verb26 JUMP Dummy_Verb27 MOVE LIFT Dummy_Verb28 PRAY SLEEP Dummy_Verb29 ECHO AHOY PLUGH XYZZY PLOVER AHRIMAN ARTICHOKE ZORK Dummy_Verb30 DIG Dummy_Verb31 RING Dummy_Verb32 OOPS END_VERBS MAXIMUM_SCORE 160 ROOM 2 Inside House EAST 5 DOWN 14 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 2 You are inside of the house, which seems very beaten down. There is a smashed window leading to the east (probably broken by a baseball). END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 200 Window Broken There is a broken window. LOCATION 0 NOUN_SYNONYMS house peace hello hi END_NOUN NOUN 201 Door Trapped There is a closed trapped door here. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 2 NOUN_SYNONYMS gate END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 201 The door is trapped and closed. END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 202 Door Trap There is a open trap door here, which leads down to a smelly cellar. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 0 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 202 The trap door is open. You can see and smell a cellar below the trap door. END_NOUN_DESCR TREASURE_ROOM 2 NOUN 203 Vault Bank There is an open bank vault here. SIZE 1000 WEIGHT 1000 UNMOVABLE LOCATION 2 CLOSABLE OPEN END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 203 The bank vault door is open. It looks like it is big enough to hold a lot of treasures and other goodies (HINT HINT). END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 204 Guidebook PORK You see a book entitled "PORK Guidebook". SIZE 10 WEIGHT 10 LOCATION 203 READABLE NOUN_SYNONYMS book hint hints END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 204 The book is titled "PORK Guidebook". It has a subtitle: "The PORKer's Book of Wit, Wisdom and Hints". It looks like it might be helpful. END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 205 Table Wooden There is a wooden table against one wall. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 2 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 205 The table is about 2 feet wide by about 6 feet long. It has been pushed against one wall. END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 206 Gun Hand There is a hand gun here. SIZE 25 WEIGHT 25 LOCATION 2 CAN_SHOOT NUM_SHOTS 1000 POSITION On the Table NOUN_SYNONYMS revolver .22 handgun END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 206 The hand gun appears to be a small .22, made for defense against evil people who try to steal things from you (HINT HINT). It is old and dusty too. A label reads `ACME Gun Company' on the side. END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 207 Bottle Catsup You see a bottle of Catsup (or Ketchup -- if you prefer). SIZE 10 WEIGHT 10 EDIBLE DRINKABLE LOCATION 2 POSITION On the Table NOUN_SYNONYMS catsup ketchup END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 207 The bottle is the giant-economy size. The label on the bottle proclaims: "Genuine Generic -- Your Guarantee of Cheap Mediocrity". END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 208 Foot Rabbit's There is a giant rabbit's foot here. SIZE 60 WEIGHT 60 LOCATION 2 POSITION On the Table NOUN_SYNONYMS feet END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 208 The foot looks like it came from a mighty BIG rabbit. I would sure hate to run into the sucker who belongs with this foot! END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 3 North of House EAST 5 WEST 4 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 3 You are north of the house. There is not much to see here, except maybe for the house to the south. Paths lead east and west. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 4 West of House LOCKED_DOOR NORTH 3 SOUTH 6 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 4 You are west of the house. The house has a boarded front door. Paths lead north and south. END_ROOM_DESCR STARTING_ROOM 4 NOUN 209 Mailbox Metal A mailbox without a lid (which probably was take by vandals) is here. SIZE 1000 WEIGHT 1000 UNMOVABLE LOCATION 4 CLOSABLE OPEN NOUN_SYNONYMS box END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 209 The mailbox looks quite ordinary, except for the fact that it is missing its lid. There is a letter inside addressed to you. END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 210 Letter small There is a letter addressed to you. SIZE 10 WEIGHT 10 LOCATION 209 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 210 There is a letter addressed to you. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 5 East of House NORTH 3 SOUTH 6 EAST 9 WEST 2 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 5 You are east of the house. There is a house to the west (with a broken window smashed by a baseball leading in), and paths to the north, south, and east. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 6 South of House EAST 5 WEST 4 SOUTH 7 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 6 You are south of the house. There is nothing of interest here, except for the house and trails leading east, west and south. In the distance, you can hear the chirping of a song bird. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 7 Thick woods NORTH 6 ROOM_SYNONYMS CHANGE_LOCATION CLIMB GO KEY 211 SPECIAL 8 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 7 You are in the midst of a thick woods. The ground is damp with dew. The air is chilly and you shiver from the cold. The only path leads north -- back the way you came. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 211 trees large There are large trees here. LOCATION 7 UNMOVABLE PLURAL NOUN_SYNONYMS TREE END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 211 The trees are mostly large maples. END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 212 Leaves Lotsa There are a lot of leaves on the ground all around you. LOCATION 7 WEIGHT 2 SIZE 5 PLURAL NOUN_SYNONYMS leave END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 212 The leaves are mostly from maple trees. They are showing lots of fall colors. Were you expecting something else, perhaps? END_NOUN_DESCR SPECIAL 8 You struggle up branch by branch till you reach the tallest part of the tree. END_SPECIAL ROOM 8 Top of Tree DOWN 7 ROOM_SYNONYMS DOWN CLIMB END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 8 You are perched somewhat precariously on a limb near the top of a tall tree. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 213 Nest Bird's There is a bird's nest here. LOCATION 8 WEIGHT 2 SIZE 5 CLOSABLE OPEN END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 213 The nest is made of twigs and is fairly small. END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 214 egg golden You see a golden egg. LOCATION 213 EDIBLE POINTS 10 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 214 The egg is made of gold. It is not very heavy, so it must be hollow. When you shake it, you can hear something inside. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 9 Clearing SOUTH 10 WEST 5 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 9 You are in a clearing in a petrified forest. Petrified trees stand all around. You know, these trees had a wild party this morning, and now they're all stoned, along with my pet rock. You really should have been there. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 10 Dangerous Cliff NORTH 9 DOWN 11 ROOM_SYNONYMS Down Scramble END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 10 You are at the top of a huge cliff, almost a whole 1000000000*10^.0000000001 feet down! Below, you can see the luscious canyon, with all of its wildlife dying off because of adventurer pollution. You can go to the north, or scramble down the cliff with massive effort. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 11 Beautiful Canyon NORTH 12 UP 10 ROOM_SYNONYMS Up Scramble END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 11 You are at the bottom of the cliff, in a beautiful canyon. However, when you arrive, all the dead animals flee from your horrid face. This makes you sad, for you were in the mood for some good cruelty to animals. You can scramble backup the cliff, or go north to see a rainbow. There is something shining in the sun light at the end of the rainbow. It looks like a pot of some kind. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 215 Rainbow Pretty There is rainbow here. LOCATION 0 END_NOUN NOUN 216 Pot Fine There is a pot full of pot here. It looks mighty fine. SIZE 20 WEIGHT 20 LOCATION 0 EDIBLE POISONOUS POINTS 10 NOUN_SYNONYMS Drugs drug dope reefer joint END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 216 The pot looks real, probably grown in someone's back yard. The pot it is in used to be used to carry gold, until it got promoted. There are #VAR1# joints left. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 12 Rainbow KillPlayer END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 12 You decide to climb the rainbow, and avoid the elevator. As you go up, you feel really happy and are glad you came this way. Then, you even see Ronald McDonald doing a commercial. But then - Grimace steps on the rainbow! It collapses! END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 13 Funeral KillPlayer END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 13 You find yourself at a funeral -- yours!! A giant Grue is talking... 'Dearly behated, we are gathered here today to have a party, for the so-called adventurer of PORK had died. I'm sure he'll hate us for celebrating his death, but still it's a good excuse to party.' END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 14 Smelly Cellar NORTH 15 UP 2 LOCKED_DOOR END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 14 You are in the cellar of the house. It really reeks down here. The walls are bare. There is a passage leading north (where the reek is coming from). Besides smelling awful, the northern passage looks quite dark and foreboding. Stairs lead up to a 'trapped' door. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 217 Headache Excedrin UNMOVABLE LOCATION 0 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 217 Oh .... oh.... your head hurts....oh.... END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 218 lantern brass There is a shiny brass lamp nearby. It is off. NOUN_SYNONYMS lamp light LOCATION 14 WEIGHT 10 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 218 The lamp runs on batteries and is currently turned off. END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 219 lantern shining There is a lamp shining nearby. NOUN_SYNONYMS lamp light WEIGHT 10 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 219 The lamp runs on batteries and is currently turned on. It is shining brightly. END_NOUN_DESCR ;EXTINGUISH ;LIGHT ROOM 15 Smelly Corridor SOUTH 14 NORTH 16 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 15 You are in a smelly corridor. You see a faint light behind you to the south. The passage to the north leads into darkness. A very strong odor is coming from the north. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 16 Sumo Room SOUTH 15 EAST 22 WEST 17 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 16 You are in a large room that has pot holes all over it from a giant's foot-steps. Besides a horrible reek of you here, there are passages leading south, east and west. END_ROOM_DESCR CREATURE 300 Sumo huge There is a huge (10000 pound) sumo wrestler here! LOCATION 16 HOSTILE THRESHOLD 1000 TIME_THRESH 1000 MAN CREATURE_SYNONYMS wrestler END_CREATURE CREATURE_DESCR 300 There is a huge (10000 pound) sumo wrestler here! He is (literally) blocking all exits to the room. END_CREATURE_DESCR CREATURE 301 Sumo huge In the corner, the sumo is sitting on himself. He is quite dead. LOCATION 0 MAN CREATURE_SYNONYMS wrestler body END_CREATURE CREATURE_DESCR 301 The sumo is sitting on himself -- which is quite a feat. He is dead. END_CREATURE_DESCR ROOM 17 Start of Polish Maze NORTH 20 SOUTH 18 EAST 16 WEST 18 UP 18 DOWN 18 ENTER 18 EXIT 18 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 17 You are in the beginning room in a Polish Maze. There is a passage to the east (chicken!), a large passage to the north, and small crawlways leading in all the other directions. A big sign over the north passage says, `Go this way! Don't go anywhere else! Please! Go this way!' Also, beyond the sign in the next room is a large greeting party, just waiting for you to go north!!! Besides, the little crawlways look icky and ugly to boot. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 18 Polish Maze NORTH 19 SOUTH 18 EAST 18 WEST 18 UP 18 DOWN 18 ENTER 18 EXIT 18 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 18 You are in a little room in a Polish Maze. There is a large passageway leading north. There are little crawlways leading off in all other directions. It looks like you will never get out of here. (I told you not to go in here. Maybe next time, you'll listen.) END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 220 Sign Large There is a large sign on the wall. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 18 READABLE NOUN_SYNONYMS writing statue berez joel idol idols END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 220 The sign is about 2 feet high by 3 feet wide. The writing is rather sloppy. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 19 Escaped from the Polish Maze NORTH 20 SOUTH 18 EAST 18 WEST 18 UP 18 DOWN 18 ENTER 18 EXIT 18 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 19 You have escaped from the Polish Maze. There is a large passage to the north, and small crawlways leading in all the other directions. A big sign over the north passage says, `Go this way! Don't go anywhere else! Please! Go this way!' END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 20 Hippy Room SOUTH 17 UP 21 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 20 You are in a room with wild paintings on the wall, filled with flowers. The atmosphere is very free and wild. There are stairs leading up, and a passage that goes south into a huge maze. END_ROOM_DESCR CREATURE 302 Hippy Peaceful There is a hippy guarding the stairway, who constantly chants "Peace!" LOCATION 20 MAN END_CREATURE CREATURE_DESCR 302 The hippy is constantly chanting "Peace!" He has a string of "love beads" and is holding a bunch of scraggly flowers. END_CREATURE_DESCR CREATURE 303 Hippy Wasted There is a hippy here, who is really wasted and can't even say "Peace!" LOCATION 0 MAN END_CREATURE CREATURE_DESCR 303 There is a hippy here, who is really wasted and can't even say "Peace!" He has a string of "love beads" and is smelling a bunch of scraggly flowers. END_CREATURE_DESCR ROOM 21 Tax Collector's Lair DOWN 20 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 21 You are in the lair of a bad-breath breathing tax collector. Lying around the room are huge piles of papers, bills, and old tax forms. You can leave by going down. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 221 Form Exemption There is a `One-Hour Tax exemption' form here. SIZE 20 WEIGHT 20 LOCATION 21 READABLE POINTS 10 NOUN_SYNONYMS FORMS END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 221 The form says this: `Tax exemption for one hour.' It may be used wherever tax exemption forms are honored, except in all countries where adventurers exist. To redeem this form, take it to... END_NOUN_DESCR TEXT 221 The form says, `Tax exemption for one hour.' END_TEXT CREATURE 304 Collector Tax There is a mean, cruel, sadistic tax collector here! LOCATION 21 HOSTILE THRESHOLD 1000 TIME_THRESH 1000 MAN CREATURE_SYNONYMS MAN END_CREATURE CREATURE_DESCR 304 The tax collector has very bad breath and looks mean, cruel, and sadistic. All in all, he is not a pleasant fellow. END_CREATURE_DESCR CREATURE 305 Collector Tax The body of the mean tax collector is buried under a huge pile of papers. LOCATION 0 MAN CREATURE_SYNONYMS body man END_CREATURE CREATURE_DESCR 305 The body of a mean, cruel sadistic tax collector is here, buried under a huge pile of papers. He is very dead! END_CREATURE_DESCR ROOM 22 E-W Passage EAST 23 WEST 16 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 22 You are in an East-West passage. There is a large sign here that says `Get a piece of the rock' - but you, puzzled, can't see any rock here. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 222 Batteries Dead There are some dead batteries here. They look very old and are corroded. NOUN_SYNONYMS battery LOCATION 22 WEIGHT 5 SIZE 5 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 222 They still look very old and corroded. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 23 Junction NORTH 45 SOUTH 24 EAST 58 WEST 22 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 23 You are at the junction of four corridors. An ad on the wall reads `Buy your new solar powered lantern today! Never need batteries again!' There are passages leading north, south, east, and west. There seems to be a VERY long corridor to the south, and from the east you can hear a horrible noise, like someone torturing a cow. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 223 Matches Wooden There are some matches here. SIZE 5 WEIGHT 5 LOCATION 23 PLURAL NOUN_SYNONYMS match END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 223 The matches are just that. Wooden matches. Not long ones or fancy matches, just plain old regular matches. There are #VAR3# matches. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 24 LONG Corridor NORTH 23 SOUTH 25 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 24 You are at the north end of a long corridor. The end is not visible to the south. You can go south, further into the corridor, or north to the junction. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 25 LONG Corridor NORTH 24 SOUTH 26 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 25 You are in the middle of an extremely long corridor. It extends forever to the north and to the south. Besides that, this place is pretty boring. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 26 LONG Corridor NORTH 25 SOUTH 27 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 26 You are at the south end of the monstrous corridor. This is a really boring place, because hardly anyone has the persistence necessary to walk the entire corridor. The corridor looms to the north, and a room lies to the south. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 224 Shoes Tennis There are some old, ugly, dirty tennis shoes here. WEARABLE LOCATION 26 NOUN_SYNONYMS shoe PLURAL END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 224 The tennis shoes are very old and quite ugly and dirty. You would not be caught dead in them (HINT HINT). You can just make out the brand-name 'Non-Skid'. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 27 Mirror Room NORTH 26 EAST 36 SOUTH 28 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 27 You are in a room, with a huge mirror covering the south wall. It is really nice and shiny. There are passages to the north, the end not visible, and to the east. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 225 mirror broken The mirror is shattered, revealing a southern passage behind it. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 0 NOUN_SYNONYMS glass piece pieces END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 225 The mirror is shattered into a zillion pieces. Behind the biggest pieces, you can see a passage to the south. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 28 Small Room NORTH 27 EAST 32 WEST 29 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 28 You are in an empty, small room. The shattered mirror passage leads to the north, and another rooms lie to the east and west. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 29 Cyclops Room EAST 28 UP 30 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 29 This is a very messy room. There are bloodstains on the walls. There is an exit to the east and stairs leading up. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 226 Sign Bloodstained There is a large bloodstained sign on the west wall. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 29 READABLE NOUN_SYNONYMS writing END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 226 The sign is quite bloodstained. The writing is rather small and hard to read. END_NOUN_DESCR TEXT 226 As everyone knows from Greek mythology or from reading Homer's Odyssey, the original cyclops was killed by Ulysses. The original cyclops that Ulysses slew was this cyclops' father and this one is scared to death of the mere thought of ULYSSES (HINT HINT). END_TEXT CREATURE 306 Cyclops mutant There is a mutant cyclops in the center of the room. LOCATION 29 HOSTILE THRESHOLD 1000 TIME_THRESH 1000 MAN CREATURE_SYNONYMS beast mutant END_CREATURE CREATURE_DESCR 306 For a cyclops, this one is horribly deformed and is obviously a mutant. He has two baby-blue eyes -- one on each side of his nose. With those baby-blues, he looks just like Paul Newman. He eyes you (with both eyes) hungrily and licks his lips. He smiles and says, "You're just in time for dinner!" END_CREATURE_DESCR CREATURE 307 Cyclops drunk The cyclops is snoring peacefully in the corner of the room. LOCATION 0 MAN CREATURE_SYNONYMS beast body END_CREATURE CREATURE_DESCR 307 The cyclops is snoring peacefully in the corner of the room. He looks like he will sleep for the rest of the game. Boy Oh Boy! Are you ever lucky! END_CREATURE_DESCR ROOM 30 Wash Room NORTH 31 DOWN 29 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 30 You are in the 'Wash' room. There is a passage to the north and stairs leading down. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 227 Machine Washing Against the wall, there is a washing machine. SIZE 100 WEIGHT 100 UNMOVABLE LOCATION 30 CLOSABLE OPEN OFF TURNABLE NOUN_SYNONYMS washer JulyTag END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 227 The washing machine is a "JulyTag" brand. It looks like it is broken. END_NOUN_DESCR TURN_DESCR 227 You try to start the washing machine, but are unsuccessful. END_TURN_DESCR NOUN 228 Coal Black You see a piece of black coal here. SIZE 20 WEIGHT 20 LOCATION 0 POINTS 10 NOUN_SYNONYMS piece carbon lump END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 228 The lump of coal is very clean (for a piece of coal, that is). END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 31 Grue's Lair SOUTH 30 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 31 You are in the lair of the infamous Grue. The walls of the room have a strange iridescent glow. The only exit is to the south. END_ROOM_DESCR CREATURE 308 Grue Infamous The infamous Grue is here. He seems rather timid, actually. LOCATION 31 MAN GROUPMEMBER CREATURE_SYNONYMS beast END_CREATURE CREATURE_DESCR 308 The Grue is tiny creature -- no bigger than a small puppy. He licks your hand and makes a noise that sounds somewhat like a cat purring. He likes you. As you move around the room, he follows you about like a child. Aren't you lucky?! END_CREATURE_DESCR ROOM 32 Bat Room SOUTH 35 WEST 28 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 32 You are in the bat room. Pictures of famous bats are hung in the room. There is a passage to the west, but to the south it smells strongly of gas (not fuel -- the other kind.) END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 229 Bat Baseball There is a large baseball bat here. It is autographed. SIZE 20 WEIGHT 20 LOCATION 32 READABLE POINTS 10 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 229 The bat looks large and heavy, but awkward - a reject from last year's World Series. It has a signature on it - `Ronald Reagan'. END_NOUN_DESCR TEXT 229 The bat is an official 'Milpitas Slogger'. It is signed by `Ronald Reagan'. END_TEXT ROOM 33 Chili Contest EAST 34 UP 35 ROOM_SYNONYMS Eat Taste LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 33 You are in the middle of a chili cooking and eating contest. There is a large sign nailed to the west wall. There is a passage leading to the east. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 230 people lotsa There are people milling around in small groups with bowls in their hands. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 33 PLURAL NOUN_SYNONYMS person man woman porkers END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 230 The people are everywhere and are gobbling up bowl after bowl of chili and really pigging out on it. A bunch of real PORKers! END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 231 Chili Hot There is huge pot of bubbling chili in the center of the room. SIZE 81 WEIGHT 81 LOCATION 33 EDIBLE POISONOUS POINTS 10 NOUN_SYNONYMS food pot bowl bowls END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 231 The pot is gigantic. It is bubbling furiously. The chili looks great. You realize how long it has been since you last ate. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 34 Wine Tasting Room WEST 33 ROOM_SYNONYMS Drink Taste LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 34 You are in the wine tasting room. However, you notice that most of the bottles are cheap, and aren't really that tasty. The only exit is to the west. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 232 Wine Cheap There are some bottles of some cheap wine here. SIZE 20 WEIGHT 20 LOCATION 34 READABLE DRINKABLE POISONOUS PLURAL NOUN_SYNONYMS bottles bottle label POINTS 10 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 232 The wine is a fine vintage from Jimmy Carter's own private grape fields, in Plains, Georgia, made out of (censored), and mixed with (censored) to produce a (censored) taste. END_NOUN_DESCR TEXT 232 According the mimeographed label, the wine is a fine vintage (specifically, last Thursday) from Jimmy Carter's own private grape fields in Plains, Georgia, made out of (censored), and mixed with (censored) to produce a (censored) taste. END_TEXT ROOM 35 Smelly Room NORTH 32 DOWN 33 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 35 You are in a small room, which smells amazingly bad. You can go north, or descend to the source of the smell. There is a large sign nailed to the east wall. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 36 Worship Room SOUTH 37 WEST 27 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 36 You are in what is obviously a place of worship. There are idols of his royal beingness Joel Berez and one large statue of him about the room. A very, very religious aura seems to linger in the air. You'd have to pay me to come here. You can leave this icky place by way of two passages, to the west and to the south. There is a large sign on the north wall. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 233 Book Prayer There is a prayer book here. SIZE 20 WEIGHT 20 LOCATION 36 READABLE POINTS 10 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 233 The prayer book is a fairly large book, all black with pictures of human sacrifices (they're playing computer adventure games.) Its title is `201: A Sea Odyssey' END_NOUN_DESCR TEXT 233 You read for a little while, but get depressed and finally stop. END_TEXT NOUN 234 Candles Wax There are some wax candles here. SIZE 10 WEIGHT 10 LOCATION 36 PLURAL NOUN_SYNONYMS candle END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 234 The candles are just that. Wax candles. Not long ones or fancy candles, just plain old regular candles. Every adventure game needs a light source of some kind. Why should this game be any different??? There are #VAR4# candles. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 37 Tomb NORTH 36 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 37 You are in the tomb of an Egyptian slave. In other words, there isn't anything of any value. Even the body has been stolen. I guess you aren't the first one here, buddy. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 235 Money Paper There is a $500 dollar bill here. SIZE 5 WEIGHT 5 LOCATION 37 NOUN_SYNONYMS bill POINTS 10 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 235 The bill says $500 in each corner, has a picture of Joel Berez in the middle, and is worth 500 dollars. How stupid can you get? END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 236 Shovel Long-handled There is a long-handled shovel here. SIZE 15 WEIGHT 15 LOCATION 37 NOUN_SYNONYMS spade END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 236 The shovel is made of steel with a long handle. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 38 Sandy Beach SOUTH 45 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 38 You are on a large sandy beach. A path leads south to the lake shore. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 237 X Large There is a large X painted on a spot in the sand. UNMOVABLE READABLE LOCATION 38 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 237 The X is about 3 feet square and painted black. END_NOUN_DESCR TEXT 237 The X says 'X'. What did you expect, turkey? END_TEXT NOUN 238 Hole Small A small hole has been dug in the sand. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 0 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 238 The hole is circular and is about 4 feet deep and about 6 feet across. END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 239 Hole Large A large hole has been dug in the sand. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 0 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 239 The hole is circular and is about 8 feet deep and about 12 feet across. END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 240 Hole Gigantic A gigantic hole has been dug in the sand. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 0 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 240 The hole is circular and is 30 feet across. The bottom is far below. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 39 Bottom of Hole LIGHT 219 ROOM_SYNONYMS UP CLIMB END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 39 You are at the bottom of a very deep hole. The walls of the hole are loose sand. It is impossible to climb out of the hole. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 40 Shaft Room DOWN 41 ROOM_SYNONYMS DOWN CLIMB SLIDE LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 40 You are standing on a mound of sand in the middle of a large cavernous room. Far above, you can see a hole in the roof of the room, but it is too high above you to reach. In the middle of the room is large shaft descending through the floor into the darkness below. In the middle of that shaft is another kind of shaft -- sort of like a 'Fire-house pole' -- that also disappears into the darkness. The shaft appears to be the only exit from the room. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 241 Shaft brass There is a shaft going down. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 40 NOUN_SYNONYMS pole sand ladder END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 241 The shaft appears to made of brass. It has been smeared with some kind of grease. It is the proverbial 'greased pole'. It would be very dangerous to slide down this pole. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 41 Ladder Top DOWN 42 ROOM_SYNONYMS UP CLIMB SLIDE LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 41 This is a very small room. In the corner is a rickety wooden ladder, leading downward. It might be safe to descend. In the other corner is a brass shaft which disappears into the darkness above.. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 42 Ladder Bottom UP 41 EAST 43 WEST 44 ROOM_SYNONYMS UP CLIMB LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 42 This is a rather wide room. In the corner is a rickety wooden ladder, leading upward. To the east and west are passages leaving the room. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 43 Grating Room WEST 42 LIGHT 219 LOCKED_DOOR END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 43 This appears to be a dead end. The only exit is west, back the way you came. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 242 Grate Iron Above you is an iron grate locked with a skull-and-crossbones lock. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 43 CLOSABLE CLOSED LOCKABLE LOCKED KEY 241 NOUN_SYNONYMS grating bars lock END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 242 The grate is made from iron bars and is about 3 feet square. It is cemented into place in the ceiling and is closed and locked. The lock has a skull-and-crossbones design on it and is currently locked. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 44 Rabbit's Warren EAST 42 NORTH 50 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 44 You are in a small room. There are two exits. To the east and to the north. Above the north exit is a sign that reads 'Rabbit's Warren'. It sounds like another one of those !@#$%^&*ing mazes. END_ROOM_DESCR CREATURE 309 Rabbit Gigantic There is a very angry, gigantic rabbit blocking the exit to the north. LOCATION 44 HOSTILE THRESHOLD 1000 TIME_THRESH 1000 END_CREATURE CREATURE_DESCR 309 The rabbit is huge. He rabbit is hobbling around using a cane, since he appears to have lost one of his feet. It's loss has obviously left him in a bad mood. He is quite angry and makes a number of very threatening gestures to you. END_CREATURE_DESCR NOUN 243 Cane Jeweled There is a jeweled cane here. SIZE 10 WEIGHT 10 LOCATION 0 POINTS 10 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 243 The cane is about 3 feet long and made of ebony. It is quite sturdy. The head of the cane is gold with various precious jewels. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 45 Lake Shore SOUTH 23 NORTH 38 EAST 46 ENTER 46 WEST 49 ROOM_SYNONYMS EAST BOARD LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 45 You are at a dock along a beautiful, but polluted, lake. Tied up to the dock is a boat. You may enter the boat and cross the lake to the east (just use E or EAST). To the south is a large room. To the west you see the entrance to a very complex maze. There is a sandy beach to the north. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 244 Boat Large There is a large boat here (Invisible). UNMOVABLE LOCATION 0 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 244 There is a large boat here (Invisible). END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 46 Pitcher's Room WEST 45 NORTH 48 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 46 You are in a room occupied by a crazed baseball pitcher. He is always throwing the ball around, and you have no hope of getting to the north passage without getting rid of him first. However, he is not that great of a pitcher and even you can probably get a hit off of him easily. There is also a passage to the west. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 245 baseball the There is a baseball here. LOCATION 0 NOUN_SYNONYMS ball pitch END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 245 There is a baseball here. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 47 Pitcher's Room WEST 45 NORTH 48 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 47 You are in a room, which used to home an insane baseball pitcher. He is lying dead on the ground after some jerk hit the ball, and it killed him. You can go to the west or to the north. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 48 Loser's Hall of Fame SOUTH 47 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 48 You are in the Losers' Hall of Fame. There are pictures of great losers everywhere, and you feel proud to be a loser. The only exit is back to the south. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 246 Portrait Your Your portrait is here. SIZE 20 WEIGHT 20 LOCATION 48 NOUN_SYNONYMS picture pic POINTS 10 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 246 The portrait is too horrid to describe. To look at it would be worse than suicide. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 49 Entrance to Diamond Mine NORTH 50 EAST 45 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 49 You are near a hillside. There is a sign that says: 'Diamond Mine Entrance'. There is also an arrow on the sign that points to a hole going north into the hillside. To the east you can see a boat by a lake. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 50 Inside Diamond Mine NORTH 51 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 50 You are lost in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. However, you can just make out some light seeping through the end of the tunnel to the north (HINT HINT). END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 51 Inside Diamond Mine NORTH 53 EAST 52 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 51 You are lost in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. However, you can just make out some light seeping through the end of the tunnel to the north (HINT HINT). There is also an interesting-looking passage to the east. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 247 Diamond Huge There is a huge diamond here. SIZE 15 WEIGHT 15 LOCATION 51 NOUN_SYNONYMS jewel END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 247 The diamond is quite large and looks very valuable. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 52 Royal Chamber WEST 51 LOCKED_DOOR LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 52 You are small room that is richly decorated with beautiful golden furniture. There is a passage to the west -- back the way you came. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 248 Throne Golden There is a golden throne-like chair in the center of the room. UNMOVABLE LOCATION 52 NOUN_SYNONYMS furniture chair END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 248 It looks like real gold. It must be worth a fortune! END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 249 Carpet Persian There is a beautiful Persian carpet on the floor. SIZE 10 WEIGHT 10 LOCATION 52 POINTS 10 NOUN_SYNONYMS rug END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 249 The carpet is about 6 feet square and was hand-made by some highly-skilled craftspersons. END_NOUN_DESCR CREATURE 310 Frog Green There is a small green frog hopping about the room. LOCATION 52 GROUPMEMBER CREATURE_SYNONYMS beast kermit END_CREATURE CREATURE_DESCR 310 The frog is quite small. It looks pretty-much like an ordinary frog -- sort of like Kermit. END_CREATURE_DESCR ROOM 53 Inside Diamond Mine NORTH 54 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 53 You are lost in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. However, you can just make out some light seeping through the end of the tunnel to the north (HINT HINT). END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 54 Inside Diamond Mine NORTH 55 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 54 You are lost in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. However, you can just make out some light seeping through the end of the tunnel to the north (HINT HINT). END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 250 Skeleton Old A skeleton (probably a luckless adventurer) lies here. SIZE 15 WEIGHT 15 LOCATION 54 NOUN_SYNONYMS bone bones END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 250 The skeleton looks old and moldy. Ugh!! END_NOUN_DESCR NOUN 251 Keys Skeleton You see a ring of skeleton keys. SIZE 5 WEIGHT 5 LOCATION 54 POSITION next to skeleton NOUN_SYNONYMS ring key END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 251 The skeleton keys looks old and moldy. They are on a brass ring. Every adventure game needs to have some keys to open things, don't you think so? END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 55 Inside Diamond Mine NORTH 57 WEST 56 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 55 You are lost in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. However, you can just make out some light seeping through the end of the tunnel to the north (HINT HINT). There is a sign over a tunnel leading west that says 'DEAD END'. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 56 DEAD END KillPlayer END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 56 What's the matter with you, buddy? Can't you read? If not, you have no business playing TEXT adventure games! Better stick to those wimpy graphic adventure games that don't require you to be able to read, write or type. Anyway, the sign said 'DEAD END' -- didn't it? Don't say you weren't warned! END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 57 Outside Diamond Mine NORTH 49 EAST 45 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 57 You finally stumble out of the mine. You see the mine entrance to the north and the lake shore to the east. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 58 Loud Room LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 58 You are in the loud room. There is a heavy metal band playing here. You notice one of them has an electric guitar. There is a huge speaker in the corner. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 252 plug electric There is an electric plug here LOCATION 0 NOUN_SYNONYMS speaker speakers ears band END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 252 There is an electric plug here. END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 59 Loud Room WEST 23 EAST 60 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 59 You are in the loud room. You can see the set-up of a heavy metal band here, but they are not in sight. There is a huge speaker in the corner of the room. There are exits to the east and to the west. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 253 Guitar Electric There is an electric guitar here. SIZE 20 WEIGHT 20 LOCATION 59 POINTS 10 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 253 The guitar is a basic six stringer, with a plug to go into a wall. It can only play heavy metal, though, at not less than 500 decibels. An engraving reads: `ACME Anti-Deafness Prevention Old People Harrasser.' END_NOUN_DESCR ROOM 60 Triangular Room WEST 59 DOWN 61 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 60 This is a strange triangular shaped room with passages leading off in all directions. Several of them have unfortunately been blocked by a recent cave-in. At a point equal-distant from the room's vertices, there is a triangular staircase leading down. Even though you shine your lantern down the stairwell you are unable to see the bottom. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 61 On the Stairs UP 60 DOWN 62 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 61 You are on the stairs. You can see a room far above you. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 62 On the Stairs DOWN 63 UP 61 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 62 You are on the stairs. The stairs seems to go on endlessly both above and below you. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 63 On the Stairs DOWN 64 UP 62 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 63 You are on the stairs. The stairs seems to go on endlessly both above and below you. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 64 On the Stairs DOWN 65 UP 63 LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 64 You are on the stairs. The stairs seems to go on endlessly above you. Far below, you can just make out a room where the stairs end. END_ROOM_DESCR ROOM 65 Gates of Hell UP 64 LOCKED_DOOR LIGHT 219 END_ROOM ROOM_DESCR 65 You are outside a large gateway. Above the gateway there is a large plaque which is inscribed: Abandon every HELP all ye who enter here! The gate is closed. Through it you can see flames and hear cries of great pain and agony. It is incredibly hot! The heat seems to be coming from beyond the gate. Stairs lead up. END_ROOM_DESCR NOUN 254 Bell Rusty There is an old rusty bell here. SIZE 20 WEIGHT 20 LOCATION 65 END_NOUN NOUN_DESCR 254 The bell is quite old and very rusty. There is an inscription that reads 'RING FOR ATTENDANT'. END_NOUN_DESCR REM SUMO Stuff REM TAX COLLECTOR Stuff REM HELP REM EXAMINE REM GET REM SMOKE POT/USE DRUGS/LIGHT POT REM LIGHT ;SOME DEFAULTS REM PUT REM ANY Stuff ;QUIT COMMANDS